Sound Advice

A friend writes:

Cheesy Graphic Man,

Should I be drinking a Martini too?

Love,

A Friend

Dear Friend,

Ha ha ha. I know what you mean. And we all feel that way some times, so don't you feel alone. So let's not pull any punches. What you need to do is doctor a photograph of yourself to make it look like you're a fun-loving guy, you know? The kind of free-spirit who doesn't know what that cold sore is that just won't go away, who doesn't know the meaning of "stop touching me you stupid drunk" and, as Sarah Palin advises so wisely, who never blinks, because you burned your eyelids off while free-basing. That's my suggestion.