W Stands for Women

Seeing those fireworks last night got me to wondering how people in other countries celebrate July 4th. But then I realized, with all the pyrotechnics we export to the world, it's pretty clear that for some blessed people, it's July 4th every day. The thought brings tears to the eyes, like so many cannisters of mustard gas dropped on a Kurdish village with the technical assistance and tactical blessing of the U.S. Government.

But Independence Day isn't only about bragging! It's also about a different kind of fireworks, the stuff of romantic conquest, the kind that President Bush induces in the leading ladies of the world. Check out my three-picture commemorative album of the Lothario in Chief in action:

Just look at the Prez here sweet-talking New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark back in March, 2007. "We talked about the South Pacific, and I praised the prime minister on her leadership in these difficult issues," Bush said. I bet it really impressed Clark that Bush was even aware of those "difficult issues," especially how come the toilets go the wrong way when you flush them down there. The Prime Minister was knocked off her feet as you can plainly see.


And who will ever forget our Smooth Operator charming the pants off Filipino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo just one month ago. "I want to tell you how proud I am to be the President of a nation...in which there’s a lot of Philippine-Americans," President Exlax cooed. "They love America and they love their heritage. And I reminded the President that I am reminded of the great talent of the — of our Philippine-Americans when I eat dinner at the White House..And the chef is a great person and a really good cook, by the way, Madam President." Oh, how President Arroyo's knees fluttered, how her heart buckled. "Thank you," she said, then spent the next two hours in the White House kitchen cooking up some Adobo before fetching the president his slippers. Bush, what a dawg.

Bush's strongest suit in the romance division has to be the classic "I give a great massage" maneuver. It works every time. What chance did German Chancellor Angela Merkel have at the July, 2006 G-8 summit when Bush showed the world that, yes, he DOES have opposable thumbs, and he's not afraid to use them. Bush explained his gesture in a press conference. "It's important for you to understand we're really trying to figure out how to work together to 'solve problems,'" he said, adding, "I understand I may have the honor of slicing the pig." Nobody could be certain if he was referring to a state dinner scheduled for that evening, or the Chancellor herself, and if it were the Chancellor, what exactly he meant by "slicing the pig."