PLEASE STAY INSIDE THE FREE SPEECH ZONE

Presenting the 2010 Active Denial System from Raytheon, a breakthrough non-lethal technology that uses electromagnetic energy to stop, deter and turn back liberation theologians, poli-sci majors, hippies and New Yorkers at relatively long range from the safety and comfort of a truck.

It comes with dual air bags, an anti-lock braking system, 64-0z cup holders, a rear seat video entertainment system, and the capability to emit an energy wave that makes your skin feel like it's on fire!

The 95-GHz millimeter waves travel to the target at the speed of light, penetrating less than 1/64 of an inch into the skin, which heats up to 130° F in just two seconds! Thus Active Denial humanely causes a target to move in a desired direction using the human instinct to avoid bursting into flames. Active Denial is the perfect system for maintaining authorized free speech zones. Let's face it: as much as we'd like to shoot them, sometimes there are more peaceniks than bullets.

And remember, we have a pretend democracy to protect.